#idk how things work in hospitals
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Just started thinking about labor and delivery nurse Steve Harrington having to fill in for his best friend Robin in the ER at the last minute on his off week
And who stumbles in (comes in on a stretcher) but rock star Eddie Munson who fell off the stage at his show just because heās incredibly clumsy (this isnāt even the first time itās happened). His leg is very obviously broken at the knee because he broke his fall with it and heās struggling to focus on questions because of the pain.
One of his bandmates came with him, Jeff, who Eddie keeps referring to as his mom on the road. Jeff calls Eddieās next of kin so they can focus on giving him a scan, pain meds, and setting his leg as soon as possible.
The pain meds kick in fast and heās flirting with Steve nonstop.
And heās good.
He hits all of Steveās buttons: the obnoxious pet names that should be annoying but arenāt, the casual touches to his hands and arms as he gets him comfortable, the lines heās using that are stupid but adorable.
He has no reason to stay after they take care of his major injury and the one spot on his arm that needed stitches. He didnāt hit his head and passes all the concussion protocol tests, his stats are normal, his pain is being managed with a prescription of Tylenol with codeine. He can go home.
But Eddie insists he should have Steveās number in case he gets worse (he wonāt) or has questions (google is available). Steve gives him his number.
He texts him almost immediately.
And keeps texting him for days.
Weeks.
Calls him every morning before Steveās shifts. Every time his post-show adrenaline matches up with Steveās lunch breaks. Every time their schedules sync up.
And then he shows up randomly to get his cast removed.
Steve reminds him he couldāve gone anywhere, especially because he was working his usual floor.
Eddie reminds him that he wanted an excuse to see him.
Steve manages to grab a 30 minute lunch break when all his fellow nurses and doctors find out his Eddie is visiting.
When Eddie leaves, itās with a promise to be back when tour ends in less than a month, a promise to take Steve on a real date, and a promise to be the best damn boyfriend Steveās ever had.
#idk how things work in hospitals#and Iām not gonna research it for a shitpost#so if a medical professional sees this and itās obviously wrong no itās not#Iām but a marketing manager#I do not know the way#Iām just here for a good time#and maybe a wrong time factually#steddie#steve harrington#eddie munson#headcanon
2K notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
Following an accident, Danny wakes up in Gotham City in a DC universe. Lacking any forms of ID or possessions beyond the clothes on his back, heās forced to commit some crimes to survive. Minor crimes, but still.
And then he gets caught.
During the court proceedings, they come to the mistaken conclusion that heās a Meta suffering from some psychiatric issues such as Cotardās Syndrome (a real rare condition where a person holds the delusional belief that theyāre dead/donāt exist/etc).
Thus, between his āneed for mental treatmentā and the concerns about housing someone with his unique physical traits, he is sentenced to spend time in Arkham Asylum. Heās under pretty low security aside from the anti-Meta stuff and has more freedoms than some other inmates, but itās still not a great experience. Even at the best of times, Arkham is hardly a nice place.
Some of his fellow residents are decently chill all things considered, but lots very much arenāt.
#dp x dc#dpxdc#dc x dp#dcxdp#danny phantom x dc#danny phantom x dc crossover#danny fenton in gotham city#just gonna slightly sidestep any questions about how the containment systems work or why āgenuinely a ghostā is so unbelievable#i wanted to put Danny in Arkham so for whatever reason It Just Works#maybe danny had a bit of anti-ghost tech with him that they reverse engineered#or maybe something already existing in DC works#and as for the ādeadā partā¦ maybe his halfa/Realms nature is too unique so they assume he must be wrong about being ghostly? idk#also i think thisād be a good opportunity for a dpxdc fic to explore non-woobified versions of the rogues#like. where they arenāt watered down to be completely chill and barely criminals#e.g. yeah Poison Ivy cares for the environment and has protected kids but sheās still a terrorist whoās killed and mind controlled people#Or Killer Croc who is very much a victim of abuse/hate for his appearance but has also still attacked people and engaged in cannibalism#Theyāre not complete monsters but theyāre not wholly innocent either#The story idea takes place in a mental hospital for (mostly) criminals! Let them have done genuinely bad things even if theyāre improving!
1K notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
vent//
#cw injury#delete later#typing this up before i head to the hospital lol#i got pretty injured yesterday in a way that affects my mobility quite a bit#i'm in a lot of pain and the timing of it is just :(((( i had planned to travel next week and#took time off for the first time i started working and now i don't know if i'll be able to š i can barely cross the room w crutches#i think i don't really know how to seek comfort? when i got injured in the first place these people (strangers) like kept me company for#a bit but they mostly talked among themselves and it was really kind of them š but i felt so distant. and even in the moment i felt like i#was failing them for not being able to engage in the conversation properly#i don't think i really know how to ask for help or how to ask for comfort#i don't know how to bring it up with my friends without like joking about it because š they are my friends and they have their own lives#idk. i feel like i'm so detached from everything right now#i want someone to give me a hug and tell me that i've been doing well š and i#want someone to do mundane things with me to take my mind off the pain#but how do you ask for that :')#i don't know so i am airing it anonymously on my kink blog
33 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
when i was in highschool one o my biggest coping mechanisms was drawing all the kids i hated getting killed and eaten and killed. and well. time is a slowly ascending spiral. you will find patterns.(i work as a blackjack dealer. gamblers are FASCINATING
#cw blood#luckys original content#ITS SMALL BUT ITS ART SO IT GOES ON THE ART BLOG#also wwaooooww its meee its my lil persona!!! i dont draw myself enough....#anyway i have bigger things in the works. im slowly but surely chipping away at a pd thumbnail for that pd thumbnail project#FINALLY COLORING. BUT COLORING IS SO HARD AND I HAVNT BEEN IN THE COLORING MOOD#SO IVE JUST BEEN MAKING RLY DUMB COMICS INSTEAD... OOPS..#idk if anything finished n polished will be posted here anytime soon. BUT i post wips of everything on my twitter#and i post jrwi exclusive wips on my slucky blog. you may look at those if u have Truck Art Wishdrawls. as many do. as many do#THIS BLACKJACK JOB IS RLY AWESOME BTW DONT GET ME WRONG#i work three 12-hour days ina row. i gotta take an hourlong bus up to the depths o the mountains and then#i get to stay in this delightful lil hotel that was built in an ooold hospital. its a whole casino town. and an OLD one at that#ITS GORGEOUS HERE. last week my bus home was delayed for 2 hours#so i finally got the chance to head to other casinos and try drinkin n gambling. lost ten bucks to a pretty girl. NOT the first time#i rlly wanna try it again!!! i love interracting w ppl and i love being inebriated in public bc im just so sweet and pleasant and friendly#and pretty girls LLOOOOVEE MEEEEE i think i just need to go to gay bars more#but theres fucking NONE HERE. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im collectin comrade queers up here tho#we wanna make a Group but we just gotta come up witha name first. i need something weird and strange#yknow i remember being in highschool. and being miserable n unmedicated. my mommas ultimatum was that;#if i dont drop out of highschool; i dont need to move out. she probably wouldntve kicked me out anyway bc my mommas sweet like that but#she REALLY wanted me to graduate. and i remember dreading that i might never do that#i remember feeling like the Resident Idiot. sweet but so so fucking dumb. it took me 7 years of strife n stress before i finally graduated#i remember worrying back then that i might not ever be able to handle myself out there. that i'd be too dependant on others#AND HERE I AM. DID U KNOW I WAS LOOKIN AT HOUSES A WHILE AGO? IM AN ADULT AND IM WWINNINNNGGGGGGG#IM RUNNING OUTA ROOM BUT HERES MY ADVICE TO YOU. BC I KNOW UR FUCKING SCARED TOO. THE ONE THING THAT SAVED ME.#THAT KEPT ME FROM SINKING INTO DESPAIR IS REMEMBERING ONE THING: ITS LITERALLY JUST LIKE VIDEO GAMES#MOST PPL YOU CAN JUST WALK UP TO N ASK A QUESTION N THEYLL ANSWER. THEYRE ALL NPCS THEYRE NOT REAL#LIKE IF U WALK INTO A BANK AND ASK HOW A DEBIT CARD WORKS THEY WILL HELP YOU#AND IF YOU THINK THEY HAVE ULTERIOR MOTIVES RELATING TO MONEY. YOU CAN ASK THE CUSTOMERS TOO. ITS JUST LIKE VIDEO GAMES#ANYWAY STAY SAFE KIDS HAVE FUNNNNN. IM GOING TO GO DO DRUGS NOW. HOPE U CAN DO DRUGS SOON TOO. I LOVE YOU
19 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
there r fics that make u insane (so amazingly good itās removed ur sanity) and then thereās fics that make u insane (you need to fistfight the author for how they did a specific thing that caused u to rant for hours)
#i know i just posted that other thing but ffs that is NOT how u handle someone in that situation everyone involved made everything 10x worse#yet itās being treated like the right thing to do (which again ofc theyāre cops they donāt understand harm reduction but still) like#seriously everythingās so forceful like u seriously think forcing ur friend to talk to u or forcing a patient to talk to a therapist under#the threat of being admitted to a psychiatric hospital is gonna make her feel comfortable talking to u? or anyone? sheās just gonna trust u#less and get better at hiding it and speaking of which the taking away all sharp objects thing makes sense in theory but like think abt it#for a minute she confirmed she isnāt suicidal and this is her only way of coping so do not just forcibly take away all her coping mechanism#like yes she is hurting herself but itās a COPING MECHANISM. sheās coping with something. help her with that donāt just take away her penci#sharpers or whatever (which btw since sheās an adult she could easily buy more stuff and yk learn to hide it better) which again has to be#voluntary it isnāt gonna work if u force someone to do smthn they donāt want to like as ur friend u couldāve made it clear u care abt her#and wouldnāt judge her for anything and r here if she wants to talk donāt just say āyou have to talk to meā and casually threaten#hospitalisation when she isnāt ready in the moment like seriously if this wasnāt a badly written fanfic she would completely stop trusting#bcz given that this wasnāt even done out of panic i would like ffs u are NOT doing any of this right#oops sorry ranted abt the bad fic in my tags-#itās not where the authorāll see it and know itās about them i donāt feel bad abt it#this was my first time even looking at stuff for this fandom so#cw self harm in tags#idk if i need to tag anything else for that š#fanfic#ao3#ryan shut the fuck up
14 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
saw a post about projecting your ethnicity onto a character and started missing vespa ilkay. so so bad
#pov u grow up in a 3rd world country(/planet) where healthcare workers are exported by the thousands like cheap produce to richer countries#it's your ticket out of poverty as long as you can deal with the loneliness the separation from everyone you know the discrimination etc#ive never talked about my hc that vespas mother was one of them sending money every month visiting every couple of years until it just stop#like why return to the swamps when youre doing fine working on a richer planet w much better living conditions#cost of living rises every year. sending home a % of your salary used to be enough to support your husband and daughter and then it isnt#you know how it goes#vespa is also dead set on this path until ranga realizes that hemorrhaging healthcare workers leaves them with little to none of their own#students on scholarships or in community/state universities are bound by return service agreements and are forbidden to leave the country#until theyve rendered a few years of work on ranga to pay back their tuition + as a really shitty solution to the brain drain problem#this is real in my country btw but my professors say a lot of ppl do break their rsa's and fucked off to work in other countries LOL#our state unis can barely afford decent facilities they do nottt have the budget to chase down their own alumni in other countries!#but the mental image is a bit funny#vespa ilkays first crime: tinakasan ang rsa#i do also think it lines up with her having a network of med friends everywhere in the galaxy (heart of it all) you kind of go into pre/med#expecting most of your classmates to leave to work in other countries eventually. mine are aiming for the usa / uae / europe / japan etc#anyway whether vespa breaks her rsa or not she leaves ranga asap decides to switch careers and the rest is history#i also deeply love the fact that she's superstitious i'm very sad it wasn't highlighted more (i've only heard s1-3)#as someone who did grow up in a rural area and went to more albularyos/folk healers than doctors in my childhood. (they never failed me)#lots of folk illnesses (ex. balis; pasma) local medical superstitions (dont eat noodles in hospital; youll have a really toxic shift) etcc#theres also a lot of potential in tying her past as a rangian + med student + assassin to me idk how to word this properly#being raised on cautionary tales of not to touch/disturb anything in the swamps then being given free reign to poke & prod at things in her#lab classes (now with the proper ppe)....she was having so much fun with the curemother prime too lmao#years of walking hanging bridges docks boathouses in ranga etc gave her great balance & stealth#cracking open alien shellfish in the swamps to cutting open bodies for studying then for assassination....#I MISS HER SO MUCH BALIK KN SAKEN šššššš#i get why most people + the canon focuses on her being an assassin bc people find that cooler i guess#but vespa being a swamp girl > 3rd world med student > assassin is so personal To Me. the whole pipeline. eugh.#skl.txt
11 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
Nothing in the substance comes even remotely close to being as gross as the way they portray food in that movie
#and dennis quaids teeth#i liked it#but i think theres something like.....idk kinda weird#about how theres like....#hm#ok yknow what i just typed out a whole criticism in these tags and then while i was writing it came to understand#the answer to my own question#i was gonna say i didnt love how the idea that aging is the worst thing jn the world is actualy challenged in any way#especially after sue starts making her older and theres so much horror emphasis on her old body#but then yeah elisasue is the real horror aint it#bc at least then shes just. very old ad not mutilating herself to be younger#also wad that one dude using his substance weeks to ...be a nurse?#does....can you work at a hospital every othr week#the substance
2 notes
Ā·
View notes
Note
I've never heard of emts working only at events? What's that like for you if you don't mind my asking?
Yeah, there are ambulance companies that staff certain events, but there's some event specific companies out there lmao. For me specifically, it's almost entirely college events, whether it's happening on a campus or not. It's not great, usually pretty boring, but it's better than being on an ambulance or in a hospital. We do get actual emergencies sometimes, but usually it's just getting drunk people to the tent or giving out water and bandaids lmao. Again, boring as fuck, but I chose this over working on a 911 rig, so that's on me š if I'm being so real tho, other than my coworkers, the best part of the job is the food lmaoooo it's so good and all the food trucks/food booths give discounts or free food to us depending on the location and event. And there's almost always a ton of downtime, so I basically just get paid to sit there and vibe for the most part
#not snz#when i say i love my job i mean i love very specific parts of it lmao#idk if I've said it here before or not and this is gonna sound so bad coming from someone working in healthcare#but i don't like patients lmao#i love the book stuff and i love everything in theory and i know how everything works and I'm very enthusiastic about it#but man do i not like patients ahskaksk#there are exceptions obviously but those are few and far between#it's why i love being an emt at my fire station bc we don't reslond to medical calls#like I've done medical calls there for the public but very rarely bc people either approach us or we stumble upon them#so i really only do my emt things on the people i know and i love that#i love my coworkers so I'm always happy to make sure they're okay and help them out when they're not#but i feel nothing for the public and i didn't realize i genuinely couldn't care less about them until i started doing my clinicals#it's just awkward and I'm not invested in them i just like figuring out what's wrong with them and interact with them as little as possible#again there are exceptions and i do like some of the patients but generally I'm just trying to hand them off asap#so yeah i do like working events bc the alternative is being confined to a tiny box or trapped in a hospital#i like being outside and being able to walk around the place and do things if i want to#and obviously i adore my partner#and even on the rare occasions i work with someone else all day i love my other coworkers too#and i mean yeah this might be more boring than working on an emergency rig However#it pays so much better#like why do y'all think my medic partner works there lmao he's actually good with patients and prefers the ambulance#but the pay in the field is shit so he gets paid way more working events than he would at the three letter company#insane actually that he makes over ten dollars more an hour working chill events than he would being overworked on a rig#anyway i digress#I'm looking into pathology assistant school rn bc there's like no patient interaction there but i still get to be nosy#so that's perfect for me lmao#everyone keeps saying i missed my calling as a vet tho like i don't cry when a dog dies in a movie lmao i wouldn't survive#working with animals would be amazing but the only thing that really gets you money is being a vet#so that can be a hobby
2 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
;~; (tags vent)
#i feel so lonely and i dont know how to fix it#im trying to engage with people. im trying ot take space. im trying but nothing is helping#and like im hormonal so i wanna cry about it today#and like this loneliness isnt for one reason only#there's no One Thing#but so so many things making me feel like i cant connect#and even wiht making progress and even with coping and even with reminidng myself its okay to just feel bad sometimes like#i want company. i dont want online company i want irl company. i want friends. and im so miserable about the fact that i struggle to#make irl friends - not bc im not a good friend!! honestly tehre's been plenty of opportunities for me to make friends is the worst part#between work; disabilities; energy; and like interests/things to talk about its really hard to make friends (and tbh the first three-#really are the biggest drains). and i love my online friends i do i jsut. miss them all so much when i talk too much and then it hurts more#and i lost a friend group recently so im feelng really out of place#nearly everyday for the last idk. 5 months i had a group of people going āhey. love youā (even if they didnt say it verbatim daily) and lik#im so sad! and the feelings are coming out today ig cause i havenothing to do at work so im just. here#but yeah - ik part of this grief im experiencing is YET AGAIN experiencing change and loss re:friendships bc of things largely out of my#control /: and every time this happens it just brings up every single wound#im talking with my therapist about it too i just. wish friends were more permanent in my life yk?#or at least that i had friends irl still /: but all my deepest connections are all So far away#and it hurts so much to miss ppl rn im just. isolating myself#but i dont awnt to TALK. i dont want to TEXT. i dont want to hang out on a vc. i awnt to be held and loved and just talked to about anythin#other than the stresses in peoples lives. i want people to infodump to me w/o me having to Beg or Engage Correctly#i want people to tell me about themselves. jsut fucking lore dump in my inbox. its not dumping. i dont care about trauma dumping. if you do#cw i guess i jsut. im so tired. im tired of the āhaiiiiii love you!!!!!ā i have to do over the keyboard to have social connections#im tired of being so disabled i cant make friends bc no one wants to be friends w/ me irl and all the reasons (āur a flakeā āu cancel plans#āu never want to go outā āu never have energyā āwhy do you disappear when you need to recharge it makes me feel bad?ā etc etc etc) all#relate to me being disabled and like.i feel like the problem. my existence is a problem. and the worst part is all iwant to do is just.#go run errands with someone. do important tasks &get a little treat to celebrate after. go to the doctor. the hospital. wherever im allowed#i want ot be a PERSON#): i jsut miss my friends#and liek im going to a thing later this month to try and make friends irl even if its just exercise friends
5 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
meant to leave work early bc first day back post being on sick leave for a week.. instead ended up staying an hour late AGAIN when I already have too many hours built up, bc there were a bunch of accounts that needed to be set up for folks starting work tomorrow
which.. obviously no one had done while I was absent, amazing. my filter list went from 34 tickets (which I've been keeping it steady at) to 60 in a week and most of the entries are way behind schedule already, jfc you'd think none of the people actually employed to do this shit are doing anything at all, so it all just lays dormant until I get around to it
it's gonna suck for folks when I'm gone for exam prep for a month and half in a few weeks... urgh
#I like doing it when I know what to do and how to do it. but seemingly doing it by myself fucking sucks#idk what the hell she's been doing at all lately but it's clearly not a lot of this smh#so I can't get around to doing any of my other tasks bc ppl at the hospital can't work if I don't do this first#tomorrow needs to be focused on project stuff tho so I have some semblance of a clue by the time my boss returns on Wednesday#fuck I'm tired tho#and bc why not part of my chin/lip is starting to get even worse sensations back. I hate it here#feels like it's burning atm and it's def warmer than the other side. I just wanna be back to normal please#a day in the life of..#(I did manage to set up the monitor/tv stand tho so things are starting to get more order again#so I would in theory now have space for a PS5 if I manage to get one in October. we'll see. until then it just looks neat#and it's higher up now so the remote should finally work better again since the signal won't be as blocked)
2 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
Hmmm I kinda want to make a side blog for RPG Maker game development related things to be able to talk to more experienced people in that community, but at the same time I both donāt really think Iād get much attention and donāt want to accidentally spoil my own game (^^ ; ).
I have a rough story, concept doodles, a tileset, some character sprites, an enemy that walks around but canāt initiate battle yet (if I even decide to have a battle system), a couple rooms with some events, and a functioning run button, but Iām still lost on how to do much else at the moment. Especially since this program has the ability for scripting, meaning Iāll probably have to learn and actually retain another coding language.
So, Iām not very far at all lol. Idk how well thatād go over on the established fandom website, but eh.
#text post#incoherent rambling#project update#game project#Iām still also debating whether or not I can actually even make a proper horror game too#Itās the rule of like just being a horror fan doesnāt make you good at horror being afraid of something does? ya know?#I am trying to go with things that scare me personally but itās been difficult#either things arenāt concrete of concepts enough or are wayyyy too oddly specific to make anything about#which is quitter talk I know but how does one translate the childhood heebee jeebees of watching top ten gaming videos past bedtime ššš#or like the way too broad general fear of lack of control without making it too on the nose or too vague#truly a balancing act writing is#kinda ironically I am also a little bit less afraid of hospitals after having been to one for myself rather than family members#which makes things both more and less difficult???#on one hand I have better references for them now but on the other hand Iām desensitized to it š#I think I get used to things a little too easily for a lot of things to stay scary#the thing was a scary movie the first time I saw it and now itās a comfort film#funger was a very scary game until I first died and reloaded a save with little consequence and now itās just a spooky but fun rpg#but then at the same time thinking about a movie studio logo before a movie that scared me as a kid cause there was a monster in it#still gives weird left over shivers but actually seeing it doesnāt anymore for some reason#I feel like thatās how itās worked with most things Iāve ever been afraid of in my life besides concepts like death control or idk drowning#ugh writing is HARD#but actually making a functional and fun to play game is harder oh my god do I not know how to make puzzles#I have made swivel chairs that can be knocked and walked over but thatās about it and idk what to do with that knowledge lmaooooo#and I donāt want the entire gameplay loop to be read text search room get key repeat cause thatās boring#I have also desperately tried making a stamina system but thereās not much help with that online especially not in the rpg maker forums#the no necroposting rule sucks all the threads for questions I have never get answered and never will cause no one is allowed to due to age#anyway idk what to tag this probably wonāt get seen since itās not my usual anyway but eh whatever Iāll think about this#hopefully I remember the passwords to two blogs ššš
5 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
I cannot fathom the level of self importance some people must have to behave this way
#itās more so selfishness lmao#idk Iām getting unnecessarily worked up about this but 6 months ago I kinda vanished off of everywhere and then I noticed she deleted some#messages#girl I wouldāve responded later calm down gosh the messages arenāt going anywhere nor are they disappearing#dora daily#I think of all people who should be mad youāre the last one because tell me why you were so viscerally rude to me since the beginning and#played a massive part of the roaa situation by being complacent when oh ! I thought youād side with your alleged best friend ME#girl you have no right to complain at all not to mention you take FOREVER when you have no excuse to reply back but when Iām struggling I#apparently have zero excuse ā ļø girl bye#not to mention the fact that when I was so frustrated with myself having these bad headaches and being so incapable of doing anything when#exams were so close all you had to say was what can I do#well bitch what could I have done when you were at hospital#I guarantee you I was the only one texting you 24:7 asking how you were#reassuring you that itās okay to feel upset about being in the fucking hospital and you donāt need to have such toxic positivity all the tim#oh but when the other girl had freaking back pain from her period or something apparently thatās more of a concern#girl bye#not me who has chronic headaches and cannot even study and nothing sticking cause itās that bad#oh but go ahead compare it to your chronic illnesss like yes itās horrible and yes it impacts you a lot#but I donāt think it impacts your brain and memorisation capacity#not to mention how fucking jealous she is of everything like I can say oh god I was so stressed and girl she has not felt stress in her life#compared to what I go through yet she is jealous of the fact I can stress ? tf?#and when I say I almost passed out cause of exhaustion she doesnāt give a shit when I was being so serious#in truth Iāve come to realise nobody does seem to care at all lmao they all think Iām lying#why would I lie about that be so fucking fr rn#anyways this is why I simply donāt want to talk about my physical condition with anyone anymore because theyāll think Iām a liar anyways š¤·āā#not to mention the fact if you even knew me a little youād understand that itās so impossibly hard for me to feel comfortable enough to#complain to talk about me feeling sick or sad or whatever I only do it here cause no one follows me and no one will rlly see it at all#but even here I feel like my throat closes up and I can barely breathe when I do complain#so pls ā¦#this one sided friendship thing is crazy cause girl how do I shake you off?
2 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
tatimaxxing (something big just happened to me but i can't talk about it on this blog because ive posted face)
#my friend's in the hospital again so i spent 20 on an uber with my other friend to go see her#but by the time we got there visiting hours were over š#so we just had dinner at the park#and i told her about The Big Terrible Thing for the first time#straight through without embellishment! yay! i think at least#because ive retold the story in so many different ways that im not actually sure what happened anymore#she was like super chill about it though!! and was like im really impressed that you actively made an effort to not be [REDACTED]#not really what she said more like Making An Effort to No Longer [Redacted]#redacted as an action not as a noun blah blah you know#and she told me about how shes faced discrimination at our super homogeneously chinese church which i feel REALLY BAD ABOUT BUT I DON'T KNOW#HOW TO EXPRESS IT TO HER OR WHAT TO SAY ABOUT IT šššš GIRL HELP#im being so useless and chinese about it šššššššš i don't know how to talk to people about things that matter#and idk like ok v non-tatimaxxing of me to say but ive been so self centered and going Wahhh these normies will never experience my#Deep Secret Emotions unlockable only by spending too much time on tumblr as a child#on the other hand i feel like once this has gotten out of the way i don't really have an excuse for not connecting with my church friends#yknow. like i don't have to hide this from them any more#they're great people!! and they're going through so much and I need to be there for them but I couldn't even get tothe stupidhospital on tim#not cry typing just ran out of space#anyway I wish I could care more about them I wish I could make genuine connections without having to lie to feel some sort of weird#rush of power over them because I know the truth and they don't when I lie so much I don't even know what the truth is#I've been putting my face on here more lately because I want to be genuine and I want to not hide things#but idk if it'll work I think it might just make me unemployable ššš#cc diary
5 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
Either Iām seeing BeyoncĆ© this weekend or Iām going to literally die. Excited to find out which one!
#almost positive I came back from my holiday with deep vein thrombosis#and I spent too much money on too many things this weekend that if I donāt go Iām actually going to kill myself#but if I do go I have to get another plane and may die maybe idk how deep vein thrombosis works I just know I almost definitely have it!#also I donāt have time to go to the hospital because my job is cultlike in itās company culture and master (my boss) would be displeased#(make my life hell for two weeks or something)#anyway! guess Iāll die! ha ha. ha ha ha.#old man yells at cloud
10 notes
Ā·
View notes
Note
Been thinking about you hon, missed seeing you around. Glad to have you pop up in my feed again ā¤ļø
#thank you so much for the kind message#idk how much Iāll be on right now tbh#Iām struggling a lot#I know I say that all the time#but itās been bad like really really fucking bad lately#today has been especially bad because of my period and my emotions and hormones or whatever being all whack#might just be my period talking and how whack my brain is right now#but Iāve been seriously thinking about admitting (committing? idk the right word) myself to some sort of hospital#I donāt know where to go or look atā¦. I just want to go into some hospital and be like āhi Iām extremely mentally ill and I need help asapā#but I donāt think it works like that#I would talk to my parents about it but I already know what theyāre going to say#99.99999% sure theyāre going to say something like āwell have you been praying?ā#trust me i WISH praying would magically heal me but it doesnāt#anyway I was hanging out with a friend today and we watched a show and I barely even remember what it was about#the entire time I was thinking about how to get myself into inpatient or some sort of help#also freaking out that Iām almost 26 and then Iāll be off my parents insurance and feel like itāll be 10x harder to do anything like that#I just donāt want to live like this anymore#everyone else is growing up and doing things with their lives and Iām just the same old depressed girl with nothing to show for my life#Iāve been surviving which is good donāt get me wrong#but when I die I donāt want to be like āwow what a good life I really survived wellā š#anyway thinking about texting my sister and asking her to help me but I donāt want to be a burden or anything#lol forgot Iām probably going to get criticized for bitching in the tags so I should shut up#anyway Iām very very very unhappy#and Iām going to go eat some cereal now āļø#ask#anon
6 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
tbh the anxiety is making me feel physically ill but fingers crossed that i can get through an assessment at a hospital soon š¤š» my boss recommended an outpatient program to me, if everything works out i'll hopefully be taking a leave of absence from work for a few weeks to get my life and, more important, mental health under control
#no idea how quickly this will be happening bc i've never done anything like it before#but i already told HR i was planning on it. just a matter of getting myself to the hospital#working on finding a ride atm bc i don't drive. maybe talking abt it will keep me accountable#bc im really bad abt saying im going to do something to help myself out and then .. Not doing it#ig i usually feel like i can simply nut up and shut up and be fine but things are getting to a point where they Are Not Fine#and i can't keep pushing away my problems#maybe a little tmi idk but i like keeping you guys updated#anyway i know i've been distant as fuck and i never answer anybody anymore and i swear to you that's nothing personal#i'm just not myself right now and i don't like exposing people to Me when i'm majorly depressed
5 notes
Ā·
View notes